Colic - A Survivor's Guide

By Tom Selva, MD

SASart It's 3 a.m. and there you stand in the baby's room, alone in your angst over how to get this baby to calm down. Sure, she's only three weeks old but by now she has managed to destroy any semblance of a sleep cycle you may have had, and your wife is in tears in bed over what to do next. Nursing hasn't helped, bathing, dressing, changing the diaper, even the famed "Daddy Dance" hasn't done the trick. Sound familiar? I know it does to me. My first child was the "Golden Child" when she came home from the hospital, but within two weeks we were at a loss as to what to do to stop the 8 p.m. to 3 a.m. screamfest.

My wife and I decided, without any input from journals or parent guides, to take matters into our own hands. We agreed that the crying just wasn't going to bother us, and that we were still in charge of our home. Lo and behold in a week the crying was gone. Does this shine a ray of hope for you? I hope so.

For many years this behavior has been called "colic" due to the spasmodic crying from the child on an almost regular basis. Perhaps because of the use of this term many parents make the assumption that the source of the child's discomfort is bowel mediated. Many home remedies have been tried, some with good results, others with no results at all. The fact is that colic seems to mysteriously arise at 3 weeks of age and somehow disappear at 3 months of age. Perhaps there is a clue in those astonishingly reproducible numbers.

A study performed in Great Britain in 1992 sought to unravel the mystery of infantile colic. Since many patients in that country are covered by the government's socialized medicine plan a ready pool of expectant mothers was available. Two groups of new mothers were identified. The first group was handled as any first time mother would. The second group of mothers was provided with stress management skills before delivery. In follow-up interviews the second group showed a strikingly lower amount of infantile colic.

Perhaps then the answer lies within us as parents. Suppose for an instant you could be your infant before birth and shortly thereafter. From a quiet, warm, zero- gravity liquid environment where all your needs are met without asking, you are thrust into a cold, dry, loud world where you have to make your needs known all the time. Then suppose that at certain parts of the day you just can't take it any more and have to let the stress out in the form of a screaming fit. Beginning to sound familiar? To make matters worse, when you scream your parents just seem to get more and more stressed and you can't get your idea across.

You see, much of colic or fussiness is really coming from us as parents. Just think, at three weeks out the magical glow of new parenting is wearing off and the harsh reality of just how demanding the job is begins to sink in. You can't go out to eat anymore, no dates, no sleep, and forget about sex. Even if you wanted to do any of these things, you just aren't allowed for a few more weeks. Add to that the responsibility of having to keep up at work and with home chores, and you have the recipe for disaster. Three months down the road many parents have "resigned" themselves to the fact that life will just have to change and are willing to accept the baby's moods, screams, and smiles. As well, by three months most babies are smiling and beginning to laugh; a welcome return on the investment of emotional hell those first two months.

Am I saying that all colic is really just us? No, absolutely not. However, much of it is. As new parents we need to realize that even a newborn has moods and we as parents have to do our best to leave our stress on the patio or in the car before we come home to be able to give all our energy to the child. True, some children have bowel distress, and even a smaller number may have the infantile form of irritable bowel syndrome, but the vast majority of infants are just venting there inner stress. Our job is to be the sponge and absorb it.

So how do you survive this period in a newborn's life? Many experts have said, "motion is the potion" when dealing with the infant with colic. Rocking, rhythmic dancing (i.e. "the daddy sway"), bouncing, swinging, and the proverbial ride in the car are all forms of motion that help sooth the savage beast. Perhaps though, the soothing goes both ways. If you are married or if both parents are helping in caring for the baby, be sure to take turns. Nothing gets accomplished when both parents are up all night and nobody gets any rest. It is an unwritten rule of new parenting that you can't be angry at your newborn, so who's left but each other? Tag team when one of you have had enough, take a break and get some rest. Most importantly, keep your cool. When you think you can't take another scream and feel like you are going to lose your mind, or worse yet, hurt your child, take a break. No child ever died from crying. Be sure to put some distance between you and the baby, close the door, get out of earshot, and recharge those emotional batteries. It doesn't take long. Go out on dates. When friends and family offer to baby-sit, take them up on it. They may not offer later. Remember, this child is your love with a name. That loving relationship needs nurturing and some time away from children. Be sure to take it when you can.

Finally, remember the colic blues only last for a few weeks and you have an entire lifetime with this child of yours. Take it easy, relax and keep it in perspective. It won't be long before the fun of parenting sets in. Good luck.