Who Does Abuse Affect?
Domestic violence occurs in every culture, country and age group. It affects people from all socioeconomic, educational and religious backgrounds and takes place in all types of relationships. The first thing we can do to challenge the violence is to define it correctly and to share this common understanding of what abuse really is.
How Do You Define Abuse?
Abusive behavior comes from a desire for power and control. Typical patterns of behaviors used by abusers include:
Destructive Criticism and Verbal Attacks:
Name calling, mocking, accusing, swearing, making humiliating remarks or gestures, ridiculing your most valued beliefs.
Pressure Tactics or Threats:
Rushing you to make decisions using guilt, fear or intimidation; regularly threatening to leave or telling you to leave; making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others; threatening you with a weapon, etc.; locking you in or out of the house; taking the children; threatening suicide; reporting you to the Department of Social Services; making you lose your job or something important to you.
Emotional Abuse:
Manipulating you with lies or contradictions (playing “mind games”); making you feel stupid/crazy (usually this is specific to whatever makes you feel the worst); not following through on agreements; manipulating the children; abandoning you in a dangerous place; refusing to take care of you or get help when you are sick or hurt; destroying your possessions.
Stalking:
Following, harassing, or threatening you repeatedly; telephoning and text messaging constantly; waiting on you outside or inside places; watching you from afar, or sending unwanted letters or e-mails.
Sexual Violence:
Degrading treatment; forcing you to have sex; using threats or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts; coercing sex during or after a violent incident.
Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:
Making light of behavior; insisting it’s not serious; denying the abuse happened; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior (“It’s your fault, you made me do it.”)
Physical Violence:
Being violent to you, others, or household pets; slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; holding you to prevent your leaving.
Harassment:
Making uninvited visits; following you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked; accusing you of seeing someone else (being overly jealous); obsessive web communication, such as e-mails, instant messages, Facebook, and cell phone calls and text messages.
Economic Control:
Interfering with your work or not letting you work; threatening to withhold money; refusing to give you money or taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you form using the car; ruining your credit; forcing you to do illegal acts for money.
Isolation:
Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; making family and friends so uncomfortable they do not want to visit; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go; moving to a place where you have no support; not letting you have a phone or access to the car.
Intimidation:
Using looks, actions or gestures to make you scared to do something differently; making angry or threatening gestures; acting “crazy” or out of control; subjecting you to reckless driving; using physical size to intimidate (such as standing in the doorway during arguments); out-shouting you.
How Can I Help My Friend?
· Listen to them.
· Believe them.
· Do not minimize their struggle.
· Do not judge them.
· Assure them that they are not responsible for the abuse.
· Tell them it’s not their fault. You can never make someone else hurt you.
How Can I Help Myself?
· Call the police if you are in danger.
· Talk with someone you trust: a friend or relative, a neighbor, coworker, physician, nurse, counselor, professor, residential life staff member, or religious or spiritual advisor.
. Contact the campus resources listed below.
· Call The Shelter hotline: 875-1370 or
1-800-548-2480 for help.
· Remember, you know your situation better than anyone else and you can choose the option that is best for you.
Campus Resources:
On-Campus:
Counseling Center
882-6601
University of Missouri Police
882-7201
Women’s Center
882-6621
Student Health Center
882-7481
MU Employee Assistance Program
882-6701
Other Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE - this number can connect you with a shelter in your community
The Shelter in Columbia
573-875-1370 or 1-800-548-2480
http://theshelter.missouri.org
Columbia Police Department’s
DOVE Unit
(Domestic Violence Enforcement Unit)
573-874-7423
Jefferson City Rape &
Abuse Crisis Service
573-634-4911 or 1-800-303-0013
http://mova.missouri.org
The Missouri Coalition Against Domestic Violence
573-634-4161
www.mocadv.org
Sexual Assault:
Unfortunately, we know that 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted in their lifetime, usually by the time they are 18. The Student Health Center staff is here to offer compassionate care and support in the event of such a crisis.
The Student Health Center has a Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner (SANE) on staff. A SANE is an individual who has been trained to give specialized medical care for a victim of sexual assault and to gather forensic evidence if desired.
In addition, the Student Health Center has Health Educators and works closely with Victim Advocates from The Shelter who can be there for support every step of the way. The Advocates offer ongoing support and advocacy in many areas including safe shelter, counseling, reporting, and legal actions.
All services are free of charge and confidential.
Educational Programming:
Awareness is one way the Student Health Center is working to combat violence. The Health Promotion staff would be happy to offer programs to your group in the areas of Abuse and Sexual Assault or Predatory Drugs. Each program lasts about one hour and consists of valuable information about statistics, how to challenge violence, how to help a friend and resources available to you. All programs are offered free of charge to campus organizations.